that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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