True but thats because hes a fetus.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
