I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
