i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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