So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
