Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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