I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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