The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
