You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
