this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Naked Twister starts at high noon
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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