I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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