cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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