i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
