u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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