her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
