My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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