Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
