i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
