What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
