they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Your cock deserves a montage
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
