he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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