He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
