Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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