3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
