wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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