Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Do vagina's smell?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
