Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
