I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
