fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
