I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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