the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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