I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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