just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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