i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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