HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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