You don't have asthma, your pregnant
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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