I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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