I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
