shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
what day is it and did you see me today?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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