Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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