Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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