that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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