Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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