My hair reeks of homosexuality.
In America we eat man semen.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
