i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
