so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
