VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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