trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
