Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
