Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
