Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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