Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
