were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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